I’d Like To Thank God Almighty For Giving Everyone So Much, and Me So Little

There’s alot of hate in my heart. The contempt I feel for my peers is unhealthy, and the hate I feel for rivals can be likened to Glenn Beck’s hate of black people.

So, as I sat, still fuming from the weekend (Basketball team, I am disappoint) and annoyed by the prospect of the prostate massage given to the 3 very average teams in tonight’s overhyped Beanpot (zomg, meaningless games) I tried to decide what Hockey East team I hate the most. The three teams to choose from are obvious. BU, BC and our ugly sisters at Lowell. There is no clear winner or loser in this group, as there is a plethora of reasons to hate every one of these teams. So, in the interest of fairness, lets do a pros and cons list.

Boston University

Every times I see Jack Parker I want to slap him. In fact, when discussing the possibility of a BU/Umass Hockey East playoff game at the Bill, I seriously considered throwing an overpriced drink at him. My hate is that deep.

Their students overwhelmingly have authentic jerseys that retail for about $100. Really? Why not just wear polos and sweater vests? Yes, it can be argued that maybe that just means they have good fans but I just say they have wealthy fair weather fans, and Player Hatin’ my friends comes down to despising the wealthy. Remember to send daddy the receipt.

Fuck Jack Parker

They have one sport, and not in the adorable Lowell sense, but more in a “you suck at everything else and won’t admit it” way. I got in a argument with some BU bitch and her response to this was “we don’t need other sports, we are good at hockey”. No, shitty argument, you are bad and should feel bad.

So smug in their “we are awesome at Hockey” that they charge $26 to get in to their “family friendly” arena. When you are charging nearly $30 to watch college hockey, then you really need a slap in the face. I guess they are recouping the losses for all the other sports they both suck at and no one watches.

They brag about Beanpot titles, like they mean anything.

Did I mention how much I hate Jack Parker?

Boston College

Not a Hockey reason, but I despise how everyone sees BC as the college that represents Boston. Ummmm, Its a CATHOLIC PRIVATE SCHOOL! It doesn’t speak for the average Massachusetts kid as the local media shoves down our throat. This is why Umass needs a D1 football team, we can’t let BC speak for the great state of Massachusetts. In North Carolina the locals root for UNC, not Duke. guess what, BC IS DUKE! Privileged Private school kids, not the average, blue collar, Massachusetts kid. I know no one who goes to BC, and I’m from Medford with three kids in my graduating class that got into Harvard. Not one went or talked about going to BC

I think those “Super Fan” shirts are dumb (yes I’m a hypocrite, welcome all “Minutefans” uggg)

I’m not going to get overly political, but I am against any religious education. Schools founded on the premise of a religious education (grade school and up) make me sick. I despise Notre Dame for this and I will not spare BC. To be honest, BC was my 3rd most hated school until I factored this in. I can’t not hate them for this.

I would hate them for hockey reasons, but It seems like their fans can’t argue because they don’t exist in large numbers.

Umass (Lol, not happening) Lowell

Our natural rivals, being state rivals, but the fact is they suck at doing this because they are not a worthy rival. I respect the hockey rivalry because it is passionate, intense and by the end of my first year of Lowell games, I have alot of mutual respect for their fans. We are in the same boat, being in an under-covered state school surrounded by pompous asses. That being said, this can’t ever be a true rivalry because, out of the gate, it is no contest. Umass is The University Of Massachusetts, the flagship campus, the only UMass that doesn’t need a city tagged on the end. Lowell is Lowell, they are a smaller sister school who has one D1 sport (and only because there is no more D2 hockey) If we did a tale of the tape between the two schools, it wouldn’t be a contest. Size, Academics, Alumni, Location all go our way. If Lowell was larger, independent and called “Massachusetts State” or something of the sort then maybe it would be a rivalry. Untill then, you are the ugly sister and you will like it.

No fight song. Hahahaha, maybe they can play Heroin by the Velvet Underground.

Worst. Scoreboard. Ever.

Who Do We Hate Most?

I don’t have an answer for this. I hate them all for different reasons, and devoid of an obvious rival I guess we will just have to sing during “sweet Caroline” BC Sucks” then add “Lowell sucks, Lowell sucks!” after spilling a jar of piss on Jack Parker.

Now If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go home and put some water in Jack Parker’s momma’s dish

-Matt

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7 comments

    • heavydrexler

      A large percentage of Massachusetts could be considered blue collar. Other than the suburbs directly around Boston and along 128, there are a whole lot of working class people in the state. While Massachusetts is certainly very far from what people would consider a blue collar state, there are plenty of blue collar kids out there. (I might add that even if you are from a middle-class family, you’re gonna need a lot of scholarship money or a lot of loans to afford BU’s ridiculous tuition.)

  1. Mike Honcho

    Well, the fact that the majority of Massachusetts is a)Catholic and b)from the greater Boston area means that there is a good reason why BC “represents Boston”, as well as the fact that their football team does better than pretty much any other team in New England. Beyond that, to say that the average Massachusetts kid is “blue collar” is pretty absurd considering that Massachusetts economy has largely been service or technology based longer than nearly any other state in the union. If you want some real blue collar shit then go to somewhere that has a large industrial sector (probably nowhere at this point). Maybe the problem is that the umass football team sucks, not the media shoving something down our throats? I can’t see any real reason for the media to give a shit either way, as long as they have something to promote. That said, Umass hockey is going to smoke the shit out of anyone they come up against. If only Al Berry was still around to knock the teeth out of some of those fuckers too.

  2. Teddy G

    Western MA is definitely blue-collar in terms of what is and what isn’t in Massachusetts. The wealthiest section of Western MA is Longmeadow (or “Longghetto”, as the Longmeadow kids call it because they think they have it bad), and the entire Valley is dominated by crumbling cities and high crime rates (see Springfield and Holyoke, the place where I grew up and was birthed, respectively). I’m proud to be from Western MA and ever prouder to not be a phony, spoiled rich kid from the East who can’t pronounce his “r”s.

    Go UMass! It’s about time we had something to look forward to!

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